Hellbent
Chapter 5
Dressed & Distressed
The next day, after the disastrous Nuklear Intoxikation show, Ashley entered the kitchen to see all their cereal boxes and cooking ingredients laid out on the bench. He was dressed in his ‘Nuklear Intoxikation’ shirt and bellbottom jeans.
Ashley: "What's up Blake? Doin' some baking… or Blaking?"
He chuckled.
Blake: "We have another pest, Ashley..."
He huffed, holding up a bag of flour with webs and larvae in it. Ashley gasped and cupped his mouth.
Ashley: "OH NO! WEEBLES! My ingredients!"
He cried. Blake arched an eyebrow at him.
Blake: "...Weebles?"
Ashley: "Huh? Are they not called that? That's what mum called them!"
Blake: “Well, that’s not the proper name for them. Anyway, we need to throw out and re-stock everything to get rid of the pantry moths."
Maxx sauntered into the kitchen and cackled.
Maxx: "PANTY MOTH?! What da hell is that?!"
Blake gaped at Maxx and groaned. Ashley cracked up laughing.
Ashley: "HAHAHA, Pantry moth, not panty moth!"
Blake: "Please tell me you're joking. You don’t know what a pantry moth is?"
He challenged and rolled his eyes. Maxx gaped at Blake and cracked up laughing.
Maxx: "Ohhh, are you referring to A-rad ‘cause he eats everything in the pantry? How rude! Don't make fat jokes ‘bout my buddy!"
Ashley laughed awkwardly and Blake gaped at Maxx as if he had three heads.
Blake: "No, I'm referring to a literal creature that invades your pantry and drains your resources."
He glared at Maxx.
Maxx: "Pfft, what a load of crap! Dat sounds made up!"
Blake: "Pot. Kettle. Black."
Ashley: "Nah, dude they're real! They're these little moths and they make webs and get into everything! I can't believe you haven't seen or heard of them before!"
Blake swung his gaze on Ashlety’s T-shirt.
Blake: “Where did you get that shirt?”
He enquired with curiosity.
Ashley: “Oh… someone gave it to me… It's a thrash metal band!”
He blushed and beamed, thinking of Makayla. Maxx pouted. Blake paused to gape at him.
Blake: “...You went to a metal gig?!”
He asked disbelievingly.
Blake: “You don’t like extreme metal, so this is about some girl or guy isn’t it?”
He pressed him. Ashley blushed.
Ashley: “...Maybe…”
Blake sighed.
Blake: “Well, it’s better than that god awful Sex Beest shirt.”
He shrugged and left the room. Maxx pouted and huffed.
Ashley went to leave the room, when Maxx stood in the archway, holding his arms out and blocking his path.
Maxx: “Nah-ah-ah, A-Rad! Take off dat shirt!”
He commanded, tugging at his Nuklear Intoxikation shirt. Ashley froze and reddened.
Ashley: “..W-what?! Why?!”
He tensed up uncomfortably.
Maxx: “Nuklear Intoxikation are Sex Beest’s ENEMIES! They’re TRAITORS and they SUCK! They got booed off da stage!”
Ashley: “I-I'm sorry… it’s just I don’t own many clothes because they perished in the fire, and this is the only clean shirt I have right now…”
He sighed sadly.
Maxx: “Don’t worry, A-Rad! Maxxy will get you new and better clothes!”
He put his arm around him and assured him with a smile. Ashley’s eyes sparkled.
Ashley: “Oh wow?! Really?! Thanks, dude! That’s so kind of you!”
He beamed with tears of joy.
Maxx: “Now, put dat traitor shirt in da bin ‘n put on your Sex Beest shirt, buddy!”
He grinned, doing a fingerbang at the bin.
Ashley: “Oh… but, Makayla gave this to me…and it fits me perfectly! The cotton is SO soft! Maybe you could make a Sex Beest shirt in my size?”
He said softly and awkwardly scratched his head. Maxx pouted.
Maxx: “B-but, I’m your best buddy, A-Rad! It's not my fault you're too fat to fit into my clothes! That’s on you to make it fit! Maxxy believes in you! Go put on your Sex Beest shirt!”
He cheered and clapped his hands together to applaud him. Ashley pulled a smile and went into his bedroom to change. Blake entered the room and rolled his eyes.
Blake: “Genius plan. Sell shirts that no one but you can wear. Not that anyone would want to wear a shirt that says 'Sex Bees' with your stupid face on it. Ashley is just too polite to say so, hence his myriad of excuses.“
He laughed at him sardonically and shook his head.
Maxx: “Nah-ah! He wants to wear my shirt, he just can’t fit in it! If you can’t fit in a medium size, it means you gotta lose weight! I’m tryin’ to encourage ‘n help my fans!”
He pouted. Blake scoffed and laughed at him.
Blake: “I'm an XL and I'm not fat, idiot. I'm toned and taller than you. I’m in better shape than you."
He countered.
Maxx: “Oh yeah, well I’m XXXS for extra sexy!”
He pouted.
Blake: “More like XXXS for extra stupid!”
He rolled his eyes at him.
~
Later that day, the three of them entered the supermarket. Ashley was now squeezed into the Sex Beest shirt.
Maxx: "Shopping is sooo boring!"
He groaned and kicked his feet.
Blake: "Yes, so is starving."
Ashley: "Ooh, ooh! Can we pleeease get this Blake?"
He beamed with Dewey doe eyes, holding up a box of rainbow-frosted cat cupcakes. Maxx snatched it off him and waved his finger at him.
Maxx: "Ah-Ah, A-rad! Don’t you wanna fit into Maxxy’s shirt?”
Ashley bowed his head and pouted. Blake glared at Maxx, spitefully throwing the cupcakes into the trolley. Ashley smiled.
Maxx: "I'm just trying to help my buddy, gosh!"
He pouted. Blake rolled his eyes.
Maxx grinned and steered the trolley over to the freezer section grabbing multiple boxes of frozen chicken nuggets and filling the trolley with them. They had a cartoon caterpillar on the label and read ‘Kiddie Cuisine. Ashley looked unimpressed and Blake stumbled over a laugh.
Blake: “Like your diet is any better.”
He rolled his eyes at Maxx.
Maxx: “It is! Da results speak for themselves!”
He exclaimed, spinning around in a circle, showing off his skinny, pole-like frame. He looked like he weighed no more than fifty kilograms.
Blake: “What results? Being starved of nutrition?”
He rolled his eyes at him.
Maxx: “Nah-ah! I’m sexy!”
They wheeled around to the next aisle, which consisted of liquor. Maxx darted right over to a box of cheap cask wine.
Maxx: "Oohoho, Gimmie! Gimmie! Goony goodness!"
He pleaded, making grabby-hands at it.
Blake: "No."
He said flatly and rolled his eyes.
Maxx: "W-wha?! But that's not fair! A-rad got something!"
He pouted, folding his arms across his chest. Ashley awkwardly scratched his head.
Blake: "Well, "A-rad" contributes to the house and we are here for food, not crap."
He said firmly.
Maxx: "But, I need my goon! C'mon! It's only five bucks!"
He whined, stamping his boots.
Blake: "Well, I'm sure you can afford it then."
He shrugged.
Maxx: "B-but, I don't got any money!"
He continued to whine. Ashley knit his eyebrows, feeling sympathetic.
Blake: "Not my problem. If you want something, you have to earn it, but I'm sure you know that."
He locked his gaze on him, eyeing him skeptically.
Ashley: "Ok, dude, how about we buy you the juice, but in return, you gotta help stock and tidy the kitchen! Deal?"
He smiled at Maxx, picking up the boxed wine.
Maxx: "It's not juice, it's goon, A-rad!"
He corrected him with a laugh. Blake rolled his eyes and groaned.
Blake: "You better do it, or it will go straight into the bin."
Maxx: “Alright, alright!”
He bounced with a skip in his step.
~
After they finished, they emerged from the store and something caught Ashley’s eye that made him laugh with curiosity.
Ashley: “Hey, Maxx, is it true your girlfriend's feet emit stink rays across the entire town?”
He asked, scratching his head.
Maxx: “What?!”
Blake looked just as dumbfounded.
Blake: “...Maxx has a girlfriend?”
He asked dubiously.
Maxx: “What are you talkin’ about A-Rad?”
He pressed him.
Ashley: “Oh, that poster over there!”
He pointed to a poster hanging on the window. It featured a photo of Jaclyn on the beach in her one-piece bathing suit and a wide-brimmed hat with stink lines drawn on her feet. Maxx was seated beside her with a grin on his face. The header read “Jaclyn stinks!” The description read “Jaclyn on a date with her boyfriend, Maxxy Malone of Sex Bees, sending her stinky feet rays across the entire valley.”
Blake: “...Well, I’ll be damned.”
He said dryly. Maxx fumed with hot anger. His jaw locked and he clenched his fists into tiny balls and shouted.
Maxx: “NAH-AH!”
He screamed.
Maxx: “I’M NOT A CLOWN! IT’S ALL LIES!”
He rasped, stomping his feet. A couple of people passing by gawked at him and laughed.
Ashley: “Oh? Who would spread lies like that?”
He scratched his head, looking around.
~
We cut to Jaclyn swarming the ‘Nuklear Intoxikation’ house like a mad hornet.
Jaclyn: “CRAIG!”
She screeched, banging on his door. Craig came to the door, grinning at her.
Craig: “Top of the morning, Jacky-Babe.”
Jaclyn: “You and dirty little posse are going to PAY for THIS!”
She shrieked, holding up the poster and shredding it apart.
Craig: “Nah, I don't gotta pay for that! I can smell it from here for free!”
He cackled, fanning his face.
Jaclyn: “I know you’re too poor to own a computer and too stupid to use one, so WHO did this?”
She hissed. Craig pouted at her insult. A black Lamborghini Countach pulled up at the house. Veronika stepped out of the car, dressed in tight leather with aviator sunglasses obscuring her face.
Veronika: “I see you’re a fan of my work.”
She smirked at Jaclyn. Jaclyn turned around on her heel, sneering at her.
Jaclyn: “...YOU!”
She huffed.
Veronika: “ME!”
She grinned, flipping her ponytail. Veronika flicked her gaze over to Craig.
Veronika: “Come on, Craig. Let’s hit the gym!”
She gestured for him to get in the car with her.
Craig: “Fuck yeah!”
Jaclyn cleared her throat.
Jaclyn: “Excuse me! Where do you think you’re going?! Don’t you dare drive away from me!”
She huffed, tapping her foot.
Veronika: “Smell ya later, Jacky-babe!”
She fanned her nose and slammed the accelerator, speeding off with Craig. Jaclyn trembled with rage and threw her head back with a mighty scream.
Jaclyn: “You will all rue the day you crossed me. Your foolish little band is going down.”
She hissed, narrowing her eyes into slits.
~
Later that day, Ashley and Maxx pulled up outside of a charcoal-painted Victorian-style cottage surrounded by a spiked iron fence. Ashley shuddered as they swung open the rusty gate and entered the property. A path of dead rose bushes led to the home's entry. Not a speckle of color or animal was in sight.
Ashley: “Uhh, are you taking me to see a witch, dude?”
He scratched his head with uncertainty in his voice.
Maxx: “Ohhh, A-rad! You’re such a dork! I’m takin’ you to see my rockin’ lady babe, Jacky-babe! She’s a sea mistress!”
He grinned smugly at Ashley, wiggling his eyebrows.
Ashley: “Woah… cool!”
He beamed excitedly thinking of a whimsical mermaid in his head. He visualized Jaclyn as a mermaid creature with tentacles, laughing maniacally with a trident in her hands. His thoughts then wandered to Makayla with a purple mermaid tail. He sighed happily when he thought of her soft curves and large breasts with shells on them.
Suddenly, he was snapped out of his daze by Maxx clicking his fingers.
Maxx: “Hey, hey! Earth to A-Rad”
He waved his arms.
Ashley: “O-Oh! Sorry!”
He blushed.
Ashley: “What does a sea mistress do?”
He asked.
Maxx: “She gives ROCKIN’ MAKEOVERS!”
He grinned, putting his arm around him.
Ashley: “OH? Well, uh, I’m sure she can help you, dude.”
He assured him with a smile. Maxx frowned and pouted.
Maxx: “NAH-AH! NOT ME, A-RAD! YOU!”
He pouted, pointing at him. Ashley gaped at him, taken aback.
Ashley: “Oh? …Me?!”
Maxx pouted and rang the doorbell repeatedly.
Maxx: “JACCCKKYYYYY-BAAAAAAAAAABE!”
He hollered, pounding on the door.
The door swung open, and Ashley recoiled at the waft of overpowering perfume, which caused him to sneeze. There stood Jaclyn, dressed in a royal blue dress suit and matching wide-brimmed hat.
Jaclyn: “What do you want, Maxwell? I’m busy.”
She said curtly, folding her arms across her chest.
Maxx: “Nah-ah, baby! Stop calling me Maxwell! It's MAXXY!"
He pouted, stamping his feet.
Jaclyn: "That is your legal name, so that is what I shall address you as."
She said matter-of-factly. Maxx pouted and huffed.
Ashley: "Woah! Maxwell sounds so fancy!"
He smiled at Maxx.
Maxx: "SHH! A-rad!"
He shushed him. Jaclyn rolled her eyes.
Jaclyn: "Anyway, this better be important!"
Maxx: "OH! It's VERY important, baby! My best buddy NEEDS a rockin’ makeover!”
He grinned, gesturing to Ashley beside him. Jaclyn twisted her mouth at Ashley’s colorful paisley ensemble with torn jeans and bare feet.
Jaclyn: “Indeed he does. Very well. I need a challenge.”
She said coolly. Ashley smiled and waved at her.
Ashley: “Nice to meet you, I’m Ashley! It’s so awesome to meet a Sea Mistress! Do you just really like nautical stuff, or are you like a legit mermaid?”
He smiled, holding his hand out to shake hers. Jaclyn gaped at him, rejecting his hand.
Jaclyn: “Excuse me, what? I am a SEAMSTRESS!”
Ashley’s eyes widened.
Ashley: “OH! Now it makes sense!”
He chuckled, scratching his head.
Maxx: “Same thing, baby!”
Jaclyn: “No it’s NOT.”
She huffed, leading them inside.
Jaclyn waved her hand, gesturing for them to follow her inside. The men entered the house and followed her past a dark lounge room and into her bedroom on the other side of the hall.
They walked into a vintage time capsule within those deep crimson walls. An art Deco-era bed was at the center of the room, along with a vanity set and dresser in the corner. Jaclyn gestured for them to sit down on the couch under the big window, looking out to the garden. A Burmese cat mewed and trotted into the room. Ashley’s face lit up and he scooped up the cat, stroking it on his lap as it purred.
Ashley: “Aww, your cat is sooo cute!”
Jaclyn: “Yes, that’s Sophia.”
Ashley could sense her cold demeanor slightly melting at the topic of cats.
Ashley: “Ooh! Pawesome! I have a cat named Keke! She’s my side kit!”
He beamed, pulling out his blue paisley wallet and showing her a picture of his fluffy tuxedo cat rolling amongst the grass. Maxx cut in, clearing his throat.
Maxx: “AHEM! A-rad! You’ll have to excuse my friend, Jackie-baby. We’re not here to talk about cats, A-rad!”
He interjected with a strained smile. Jaclyn rolled her eyes.
Ashley: “Oh, sorry! I guess I got cat-carried away, haha.”
He chuckled and scratched his head. Maxx scoffed and Jaclyn cleared her throat.
Jaclyn: “Anyway, let’s cut to the chase. What do you want?”
She asked tersely, pulling out a black diary and a pen.
Maxx: “I want you to make me a sexy pink coat with my name on da back with a big gold star! Ohh, and a cowboy hat to match, baby!"
Jaclyn rolled her eyes as she took down notes.
Jaclyn: “Gaudy as always.”
She muttered to herself.
Maxx: “And for my buddy, A-rad! Make him something like THIS!"
He grinned, gesturing to his purple glitter vest over his bare chest and white tiger print latex pants. Jaclyn and Ashley both gaped at Maxx.
Jaclyn: "That will not flatter your friend's build.”
She groused, shifting her eyes over to Ashley.
Jaclyn: “Or anyone’s.”
She added for good measure.
Ashley: “Uhh… yeah, I don't think I could fit into that!”
He laughed awkwardly scratching his head.
Maxx: “Oh, but you WILL, A-rad! You will be slim ‘n sexy like me!”
He grinned, gesturing to his scrawny frame.
Ashley: “...B-but I like my curves.”
He knit his eyebrows, glancing down at his soft body.
Maxx: "Pfft, Oh, A-Rad! You're so funny! You crack me up!"
He laughed and waved his hand. Jaclyn rolled her eyes and cleared her throat.
Jaclyn: "Anyway, your total comes to five hundred dollars."
Maxx: "OWWWWWWWH! PRICEYYY!"
He wailed with widened eyes. Jaclyn twisted her mouth. Ashley shuffled in his seat and turned to Maxx.
Ashley: "Uhhh, Maxx, I don't have that kind of money…"
He whispered to Maxx.
Maxx: "Relax A-rad! Maxxy’s got tricks up his sleeve!"
He waved his hand. Ashley tilted his head owlishly.
Ashley: "Uh, you're not wearing sleeves, dude…"
Maxx turned to Jaclyn with bedroom eyes.
Maxx: "Come on, baby! You're dating THE Maxxy Malone!"
He purred, leaning across the table to Jaclyn. Jaclyn looked unimpressed by his attempts to seduce her.
Jaclyn: “Yes, so make a call to the prime minister, Maxwell.”
She flipped her hair. Maxx pouted. Ashley turned to Maxx.
Ashley: “...Uhh, prime minister?”
He titled his head. Maxx shifted his eyes.
Jaclyn: “Have you been living under a rock? You don’t know who the prime minister is?”
She rolled her eyes.
Ashley: “Yes… I have been living under a rock…”
He sighed and nodded. Jaclyn gaped at him mutely.
Jaclyn: “Are you serious?! You don't know who George Malone is?! Ugh, he’s the father of your only friend!”
She pointed her long red fingernail at Maxx.
Maxx: “Jacky-baaaabe!”
He whined.
Ashley: “OH! You never told me you were royalty, Maxx?!”
He gasped at Maxx.
Jaclyn: “Royalty? Oh, puh-lease.”
She scoffed and laughed.
Jaclyn: “No money, no deal, Maxwell.”
She huffed firmly, folding her arms across her chest. Ashley looked relieved. He didn't want to wear those clothes.
Maxx: “Come on, Jacky-babe, have a heart! My buddy is in need!”
He put his arm around Ashley. Ashley sighed.
Ashley: “It’s okay, Maxx, I’ll be fine! I don’t need them!”
He assured him, waving his hands.
Maxx: “Oh, A-Rad, don’t be modest! You do!”
He chirped. Jaclyn scrutinised Ashley.
Jaclyn: “He’s right, he doesn’t need those tacky clown clothes. What he needs is a fashionista’s touch… for the right price!”
She scoffed, flipping her hair and locking her steely-gaze onto Ashley. Ashley shifted his eyes.
Maxx: “WHAT?! Nah-ah, you’re MY lady-babe, Jacky-babe!”
He whined, shoving Ashley out of the way and thrusting himself between them.
Ashley: “O-Oh?! I’m sorry, but I don’t hire hookers! I’m still a virgin and I’m waiting for the right person! I have eyes for Makayla!”
He exclaimed, waving his hands, awkwardly. Maxx and Jaclyn both gaped at him.
Jaclyn: “...EXCUSE ME?!”
She bellowed, towering over him in her high heels. Maxx groaned and shook his head.
Maxx: “Owwh, yikes, A-Rad! That's SO embarrassing! You’re not supposed to tell people you’re a virgin!”
He winced. Jaclyn rolled her eyes at Maxx.
Jaclyn: “No, you idiot, your fat lemming called me a HOOKER!”
Ashley froze.
Ashley: “O-Oh, isn't that what you were doing with those old men on the street last week?! Me and my brother were driving through town and I remember you were wearing those shoes ‘cause they looked so pointy–”
He exclaimed, glancing down at her pointed heels on her feet. Jaclyn froze.
Jaclyn: “NO! I have NO idea what you're talking about!”
She huffed.
Maxx: “Nah-ah! A-Rad! Why would Jacky-Babe want old men when she has a young and sexy rebel rocker stud right here?”
He pouted, putting his arm around her. Ashley’s face twisted when he caught an unpleasant odor wafting from the floor. He glanced down to see Jaclyn had removed those heels.
Ashley: “Oh wow… The rumors were true! Your feet DO stink, haha!”
He groused, fanning his face. Jaclyn narrowed her eyes into slits, glaring at him and cursing that dreadful band for those posters.
Ashley: “It's okay, I have some homemade peppermint oil in my car–”
Jaclyn grabbed him by the bandana and locked her steely cold gaze onto him.
Jaclyn: “Do NOT cross me, you fat little cow! Shove a donut into your big fat mouth and shut up before you make a VERY powerful enemy!”
She bellowed. Ashley held his hands up.
Ashley: “...Why? Because your foot odor is that powerful?”
He scratched his head. Jaclyn huffed and dragged him over to the door.
Jaclyn: “GET OUT!”
She bellowed, kicking him out the door.
Maxx: “HEY! W-What about Maxxy?!”
He pouted. Jaclyn grabbed Maxx by the vest and threw him out the door with him.
Maxx: “OWWH!”
He pouted and she slammed the door on them both.
~
They returned home and headed into the kitchen.
Ashley: “I don't think your girlfriend likes me very much…”
He sighed and bowed his head.
Ashley: “And, I don't think she likes you much either… she wasn't very nice to you, dude.”
He added. Maxx scoffed.
Maxx: “Pfft! You’re a virgin, you don't understand chicks, A-Rad! If chicks are fiesty ‘n play hard to get, it means they like you! If they're nice to you, sorry, buddy, it means they're just pitying you!”
He explained. Ashley tilted his head in confusion.
Ashley: “...Really? That makes no sense? If you like someone, why wouldn't you be nice to them?”
Maxx: “Cos nice guys finish last, buddy!”
He exclaimed, patting his back.
Ashley: “Oh? Why is that?”
Maxx: “Cos nice guys are lame and boring! Da ladies want da bad boys!”
He grinned, gesturing to himself.
Ashley: “...I don’t get it?”
He scratched his head.
Maxx: “Don't worry, Maxxy will help you, buddy!”
He assured him. Ashley smiled a bit.
Ashley: “...I can’t believe you’re royalty! How come you didn’t tell me?!”
He exclaimed and tried to imagine what his family was like and imagined a room full of Maxxes in a palace.
Maxx: “Cos! I’m not like them! I’m a rebel rocker, A-Rad!”
He pouted and huffed. Ashley’s bubble burst and he drew blanks of what to imagine now.
Ashley: “Oh? What do you mean?”
He pressed him.
Maxx: “What do you mean what do I mean?! I’m a REBEL, A-Rad! I rebelled against my family!”
Blake discreetly peered his head from his bedroom, listening in with intrigue.
Ashley: “...Why?”
He knit his eyebrows.
Maxx: “Cos! They wouldn’t let me roam free like a beest! They were always tryin’ to cramp my style cos Daddy-kins is da Prime Minister!”
Ashley: “But they're your family! They love you!”
Maxx: “Oh, A-Rad! You're SO naive!”
He shook his head at him.
Maxx: “They abandoned me, A-Rad! They threw me out on da street!”
He cried. Ashley knit his eyebrows and pulled him into a hug.
Ashley: “Oh no! Why would they do that?!”
He gasped, looking up at his parents in the family portrait above him. He could not comprehend the thought of them ever doing that to him or Blake.
Maxx: “Cos, they wanted to get rid of me!”
He cried.
Ashley: “Why would they want to get rid of you?”
He cupped his mouth.
Maxx: “Cos they couldn’t handle da beest! Rock ‘n roll and poli-dicks don't mix, A-Rad!”
He huffed.
Ashley: “Oh… I'm sorry about your family… Maybe your bandmates are your family now? A pack of Sex beests!”
He offered, shedding some hopeful optimism on the situation.
Ashley: “Where are your bandmates anyway?”
He pondered with curiosity.
Maxx: “They went overseas for a while.”
He grinned.
Ashley: “Oh? How come they went without you?”
He tilted his head.
Maxx: “Cos, they live there, A-Rad!”
He said quickly.
Ashley: “Oh? Where is that?”
He tilted his head.
Maxx: “...Pink Top.”
Ashley: “Oh! What are their names?”
Maxx: “...Lil Dicky… Danger Dan, and… Action Jaxon…”
He stated.
Ashley: “Oh! I can’t wait to meet them and see you perform together!”
He beamed.
Maxx: You will one day, buddy!”
He grinned. Blake retreated back into the hallway.
Blake: "You and me both, Ashley..."
He pondered to himself under his breath.
TO BE CONTINUED.
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