Hellbent
Chapter 6
Trash Metal
Blake was out in the backyard, immersed in his woodwork, blaring death metal on the radio. The heavy guitars and growling vocals drowned out the angle grinder as he sliced up pieces of wood.
Suddenly, he was snapped out of his daze by an obnoxious sound playing over the radio–a toilet flushing. Two men were laughing together. A nasally monotone voice that could bore you to sleep spoke.
Lord Kradula: “Welcome back to Headbanger’s Hellfire. The only place in Possum state where you can hear extreme heavy metal on the radio. I'm your trve kvlt host, Lord Kradula Ov Khaos”
He began.
Bobby: “WHEEWW! And I'm Bobby ‘Killer’ O’Sullivan! Horns up metallers!”
He wailed.
Lord Kradula: “It's now time for our Trash Metal segment, where we discuss the bands that belong in the toilet.”
Bobby: “WHEEWWWWW!”
He cackled, playing the toilet sound effect again.
Blake rolled his eyes, removing his goggles and gloves and heading to the radio to shut it off.
Blake: “God, I hate these two clowns! Just play some metal and shut up.”
He huffed.
Lord Kradula: “Have we got the Nuklear Intoxikating turd for you tonight, headbangers! That's right, tonight we will be flushing Nuklear Intoxikation down the toilet!”
He spoke with passion and spite in his tone. Bobby played the toilet sound effect again.
Blake: “...Nuklear Intoxikation?”
He paused and looked at Ashley through the kitchen window and saw him wearing his Nuklear Intoxikation shirt. He turned up the volume to listen.
~
At a recording studio, there sat a lanky man with frizzy dyed-black hair. His face was full of white makeup with heavy black paint surrounding his eyes to appear corpse-like. Inverted crosses streaked down his cheeks and across his eyebrows. There was a long streak of black paint across his mouth that made him appear like he was perpetually frowning. His red regrowth at the top of his head and red inverted cross contact lenses stood out against his monochrome attire. He wore a leather trench coat that resembled a raincoat with chunky boots that looked like rain boots. Seated beside him was an obese man with matted ginger hair, dressed in a clashing ensemble of army shorts and a denim vest.
Lord Kradula: “Pfft, what a bunch of posers!”
He scoffed as he adjusted his inverted-cross contact lenses.
Lord Kradula: “My pathetic sister thinks she’s so trve kvlt and more hardcore than me, but some fat poser bimbo with giant breasts plays guitar better than her.”
They both cackled together.
Bobby: “HA! Beaten by a fat slut!”
He cackled.
Lord Kradula: “Well, she has more experience running her hands up and down long objects if you know what I mean.”
He burst out laughing at his own joke, thinking of himself as clever.
Lord Kradula: “Muwhahaha! Know what I mean, Bobby?”
He nudged him with a grin.
Bobby: “YEAH! She eats a lot of hot dogs ‘cause she’s fat!”
He cackled and belched as he munched on a ragnarok burger from Voyage Burger.
Lord Kradula: “...Riiiiiiight?”
He rolled his eyes.
Lord Kradula: “Anyway… instead of learning to play the guitar, my sister is too busy making posters about some red-head woman’s stinky feet?”
He scoffed.
Lord Kradula: “Then there’s the so-called ‘King of the thrash metal jungle’ more like King of the TRASH sewer.”
Bobby: “WHEW, IN THE TRASH!”
He wailed, throwing a beer bottle in the trash.
Lord Kradula: “He was scared of my doll collection and then he punched me in the face. Talk about pathetic!”
He scoffed and laughed.
Bobby: “...You have a doll collection? That’s so lame! WAHAHAHAH!”
He laughed at him.
Lord Kradula: “CURSED HORROR MOVIE dolls, you idiot!”
He hissed, shuffling his papers and continuing to read on.
Lord Kradula: “Oh, and there’s also the drummer, but no one cares about him.”
He shrugged and waved his hand dismissively.
Lord Kradula: “Nuklear Intoxikation are intoxicating the clubs and clearing crowds away with their nuclear toxic ‘music.’ They’re like the turd that won’t flush.”
Bobby: “YEAH! Craig is a TURD! HA!”
He cackled playing a toilet flush sound effect.
Suddenly, the ringing of the phone cut in, and Bobby answered.
Bobby: “What's up, fellow headbanger? Bobby Killer speaking! ROCK ON!"
Craig: “OI! FUCK YOU CUNTS! I’M GONNA KICK YOUR ASS, DORKULA! AND YOUR FATASS MATE, BOOBY ‘O SOOK, TOO!”
Veronika can be heard in the background, begging for the phone.
Bobby: “Fuck you! It's BOBBY ‘O SULLIVAN!”
He squealed.
Lord Kradula: “Well, well, if it isn’t the king of the trash sewer! I told you he was an asshole, everyone.”
Craig: “Come say it to my face, cunt! You ain’t so tough when you ain’t hidin’ behind ya telephone!”
Lord Kradula: "Oh, is that a threat, macho man? Aren't you also hiding behind your telephone?"
He guffawed.
Bobby: "HEY! Hey, Craig! I got something to say to you!"
He interjected, turning around and farting into the telephone. Lord Kradula and Bobby erupted into laughter.
Craig: "FUCK YOU!"
Veronika: "Give ME the damn phone, Craig! You losers are gonna pay for this!"
She huffed.
Bobby: "SUP RONNIE!"
He smiled dumbly. Lord Kradula shot him a look and twisted his mouth.
Veronika: “Sup Bobby! Have fun moshing at our Thrash Bash last weekend, you two-timing traitor?”
She hissed. Lord Kradula bore his red contacts onto Bobby. Bobby froze.
Lord Kradula: “...WHAT?! You went to Craig’s stupid party?! YOU TRAITOR!”
He seethed and smacked Bobby over the head.
Bobby: “OWW! I was there for Ronnie!”
He whined and rubbed his head. Lord Kradula's ire soared.
Lord Kradula: “That's WORSE! That's my SISTER, you traitor!”
He rasped, smacking him again, causing Bobby to drop his burger on the floor.
Bobby: “Owww! I dropped my burger, asshole!”
He whined, smacking Lord Kradula back. Veronika cackled like a witch.
Veronika: “Oh dear, are you jealous, LARRY?!”
She chuckled darkly. Lord Kradula froze and his face crumpled into fury.
Lord Kradula: “DON'T CALL ME THAT NAME, BITCH!”
He hissed through clenched teeth.
~
Blake rolled his eyes at their petty bickering and shut off the radio.
Blake: “I’ve heard enough.”
He frowned, looking deep in thought.
Blake: “Well, I’ll be damned… they’re the same goons from the park the other day…”
He stroked his chin and remembered their voices from when they harassed him at the park.
Blake: “So, the clown was right; they are bad news.”
He locked his gaze on Ashley through the kitchen window in his Nuklear Intoxikation shirt.
Blake: “Craig is MUCH worse though…”
Blake marched into the kitchen, approaching Ashley.
Blake: “Ashley… we need to talk.”
He began.
Ashley: “Sure, Blake!”
He chirped. Blake drew a breath.
Blake: “I don’t know if you heard that segment on the radio just now…”
He began. Ashley sighed.
Ashley: “Yeah… they were being really mean to Makayla… it was horrible! I couldn't hear any more of it and had to tune it out!”
He cried and cupped his ears.
Blake: “Makayla, huh?”
Blake scrutinized Ashley. So, I was right. This is about a girl, he thought to himself.
Blake: “Nuklear Intoxikation are… trouble.”
He warned him. Ashley knit his eyebrows.
Maxx barged into the room wearing just his pink leopard G-String.
Maxx: “I TOLD YOU SO! Dats what Maxxy’s been sayin’ all along!”
He pouted. Blake rolled his eyes at Maxx.
Blake: “PLEASE put some clothes on!”
He hissed at Maxx.
Ashley: “B-But Makayla’s not trouble! She’s nice to me!”
He cried, placing his hand over his chest.
Blake: “Birds of a feather flock together, Ashley… If the others are trouble, she is too!”
He began and paced around the room.
Ashley: “That’s not true, she’s not mean and angry like they are!”
He protested.
Blake: “Maybe not… but perhaps she’s trouble in other ways?”
He turned to Ashley. Ashley tilted his head.
Ashley: “...What do you mean, Blake?”
He knit his eyebrows.
Blake: “Well…there was truth to what that idiot host said about Craig and Veronika. I witnessed it first-hand when they harassed me in the park the other day…”
Ashley: “Oh no… I’m sorry, Blake!”
He knit his eyebrows. Blake held his hand up, not wanting his pity.
Blake: “My point is… what if there’s some truth to the statements about Makayla?”
He pondered. Ashley gasped and shot up from the table.
Ashley: “Y-You don’t even know her!”
He bawled.
Blake: “Neither do you.”
He countered.
Maxx: “Maxxy does! It’s all LIES! She resisted my powerful Sex Beest charms! Clearly, she’s a lesbo!”
He pouted. Ashley gaped at him. Wow, if she turned down a rockstar like him that means it’s not true! He thought to himself. Wait, if she’s a lesbian, that means…
Maxx: “Ohhh, dats why she keeps talkin’ to A-Rad! She thinks he’s a chick! Bahahaha! Ashley is a chick’s name!”
He cackled. Ashley tilted his head.
Ashley: “Uhh, actually, Maxx… it’s both a boy name and a girl name…”
He corrected him gently.
Maxx: “No offense, A-Rad, but you kinda look like a chick!”
He tugged at his faux fur coat. Ashley glanced at himself in the mirror.
Ashley: “...I guess I kinda do, haha”
He fiddled with his long ombre tresses and smiled a bit.
Maxx: “Not a hot lady babe though. You’re too fat and your boobs are too small to be a chick! No offence!”
He held his hands up and laughed. Ashley frowned, looking hurt.
Blake: “Good thing he is a man and isn’t a woman then.”
He said dryly, rolling his eyes at Maxx. Ashley scratched his head and shifted his eyes.
Blake: “No, really, I’d hate to imagine how you’d treat him if he were a woman.”
He glared at Maxx with disgust. Maxx scoffed.
Ashley: “Well.. I’m not much of a man either…”
He sighed, thinking of how he was nothing like Blake or Craig, or even Maxx.
Maxx: “Don’t worry, A-Rad, Maxxy will teach ya how to be a man!”
He grinned, putting his arm around him. Blake scoffed and burst out laughing.
Blake: “Are you sure you’re not a clown? Because you’re making me laugh and that’s a hard feat. What would YOU know about being a man?!”
He quipped and laughed.
Maxx: “More than you, Mr. Doom ‘n gloom!”
He pouted. Blake laughed in his face.
Blake: “Right, can you take care of yourself and protect your loved ones?”
He challenged, giving him a dubious look. Maxx interjected with a screech.
Maxx: “Damn, right! I got kicked out onto da streets ‘n clawed my way up to da top!”
Ashley sighed and looked pensive as Blake and Maxx bickered in the background. He pondered on Blake’s examples of being a man. What kind of man am I then? He pondered.
~
We cut to the ‘Nuklear Intoxikation’ household where Makayla sat with her friend, Savannah, in the living room. Makayla lay face-down on the table groaning as they listened to the radio segment.
Veronika: “You losers are gonna PAY for crossing me!”
She hissed.
Craig: “Yeah, don't fuck with Nuklear!”
He bellowed.
Lord Kradula: “Ohh, such big talk for such little talent!”
He cackled.
Savannah: “They're STILL going on?!”
She rolled her eyes and shook her head.
Makayla: “I think the record is broken. They keep repeating the same things over again.”
She quipped and shut off the radio.
Savannah: “Don't let those fools get to you, Makayla. This is the guy who runs around in a cape and calls himself ‘Lord Kradula Ov Khaos.’ and don't even think on the other one either. He doesn't think. There's nothing going on in that fat head of his.”
She assured her. Makayla laughed a bit.
Makayla: “Yeah… the two biggest clowns in the Possum State metal scene are clowning on us…”
She groaned.
Savannah: “I don't know… Craig and Veronika are cutting it close. The hell was he thinking, replacing you with her on lead?! The fuck is wrong with him?!”
She shook her head. Makayla frowned.
Makayla: “Actually… I told her she could take over the lead.”
She said in a low voice. Savannah gaped at her.
Savannah: “You what?! Why the hell would you do that?!”
She pressed her.
Makayla: “Well… Ashley was right, she was trying to sabotage me, so… I sabotaged her. Now Craig will come to his senses and see that she sucks!”
Savannah gaped at her.
Savannah: “Ashley, huh? The one from the party? Well, I could have told you that.”
She frowned. Makayla nodded.
Savannah: “Craig isn’t going to do that, Makayla. You’re just sabotaging yourself!”
She added.
Makayla: “What else am I supposed to do, Sav?!”
Savannah: “Leave!”
She said firmly.
Makayla: “I can’t! Craig is my brother and music is my dream!”
She cried.
Savannah: “So? He ain’t the boss of you and he ain’t much of a brother! Go join another band… or make your own!”
She said firmly.
Makayla: “...Why should I be the one who leaves? I’ve been here from day one and poured so much of my heart and soul into this band… I’m not going to let her get rid of me and ruin everything I’ve worked so hard for!”
She exclaimed.
Savannah: “You know I’m your friend and I’ll support you, Makayla. But as your friend, I’ll also tell you how it is. This battle ain’t worth it.”
She advised her firmly, patting her back. Makayla sighed.
Makayla: “It is to me…”
~
Across town, Craig and Veronika arrived at a Mediterranean-style mansion with a terracotta roof and a long driveway. The cream-coloured walls were illuminated by lights beaming down on them. The master bedroom sat perched on top of the three-car garage with large archways surrounding it. They parked in front of a large double door to the entrance of the home with stained glass windows.
Craig: “Shit, you weren’t kiddin’ when you said you were loaded.”
He whistled.
Veronika: “My father is Randall Wood. What did you expect?”
She said smugly.
Craig: “What about ya mum?”
He asked.
Veronika: “She’s dead, Craig…”
Her tone shifted into a somber note.
Craig: “Oh, shit, sorry, V!”
He patted her back. A sinister smirk crept on her lips.
Veronika: “Larry is going to pay!”
She huffed, barging into the mansion.
They entered a spacious parlor with a marble staircase. A crystal chandelier hung above their heads with various portraits of oceans on the walls.
Craig: “...Holy shit!”
His eyes widened with awe at the luxurious and extravagant details. It was nothing like he had ever seen before and was nothing like his home.
Abba’s Money played over the speaker system and a tall man stood at the top of the marble staircase, dressed in loafers, a dress shirt, and khaki pants. He wore his salt and pepper hair swooped over. He bore a close physical resemblance to Veronika and Lord Kradula with his long, square-shaped face and tall stature.
Randall: “Oh! Hello! Welcome to our humble abode! I am Randall Wood! No doubt you've heard of me!"
He greeted them, sitting down on the Chesterfield couch.
Craig: "Uh, yeah, you’re Veronika’s dad!”
He nodded. Randall chortled.
Randall: “Why, yes. I am also a producer! I own SeleneFM radio station and organize various festivals!”
He said loftily. Craig grinned.
Craig: “Oh fuck yeah! That’s wicked sick! Do ya think you can get Nuklear some festivals?”
He grinned.
Veronika: “You’re about as subtle as a sledgehammer to the skull, Craig.”
She laughed half-jokingly.
Randall: “Of course. I’d be delighted to support my daughter’s band!”
He smiled at Veronika proudly.
Craig: “Oh, actually, it’s my band–”
Veronika interjected.
Veronika: “Too bad Larry doesn’t support me!”
She pouted.
Randall: “Oh? Doesn’t he?”
Veronika: “No, Daddy… he’s talking trash about me and my band on the radio!”
She sighed, turning on the radio and turning up the volume.
Lord Kradula: “Veronika can’t play guitar to save her life. She would be killed in an instant if she had to play to save her pathetic life. Fuck her!”
He scoffed. Craig shifted his eyes.
Bobby: “Don’t talk shit about Ronnie!”
He pouted. Veronika seethed.
Randall: “WHAT?!”
He shot up from his seat in a fury.
Randall: “How dare he speak like that of you!”
He pounded the table with his fist.
Randall: “He can’t swear on the air either!”
He added for good measure.
Veronika: “It gets worse, Daddy…”
She sighed, holding up a bag full of letters.
Randall: “What are those?”
Veronika: “They’re all the complaints about his show! I found them in his bedroom! He was trying to hide them!”
She feigned shock. Craig burst out laughing.
Randall: “That’s it. Larry and I are about to have a very serious talk when he gets home!”
He said firmly, pouring himself a tall glass of wine.
Veronika: “Oh, he’s in for a wild ride...”
She smirked and stumbled over a laugh.
~
After the radio show wrapped up, Bobby and Lord Kradula locked up the studio together. As soon as Lord Kradula turned around on his heel, his entire body went as white as his corpse paint on his face and he dropped his vinyl records to the ground.
Lord Kradula: “...NO! MY BABY!”
He screamed and fell to his knees when he saw his Lamborghini vandalized with Graffiti that read ‘Dorkula Douche Mobil’ on the bonnet and side of the car. A dildo was glued on the edge of the bonnet like a hood ornament and another sat on the top of the car.
~
Blake was sitting outside in the front yard, having a smoke. His jaw dropped when he saw the black Countach screeching down the street with wobbling dildos.
Blake: “What the fuck?”
He gaped, taken aback by the bizarre sight of the seething man in makeup behind the wheel.
Blake: “Is this city full of clowns?”
He shook his head.
~
Lord Kradula stormed into the mansion, mad as a hornet. He entered a spacious living room with cathedral ceilings and a chandelier hanging at the center of it. He marched up to Veronika, on the Chesterfield couch, and shoved her.
Lord Kradula: “YOU! You two are going to PAY for what you did to my car!”
He seethed, pointing to the vandalized Lamborghini out the window. Craig entered the room and burst out laughing.
Veronika: “What, you think I did that? What proof do you have?”
Craig: “We didn’t do shit.”
Suddenly, they could hear a wine glass smashing onto the marble tiles in the kitchen. Randall came marching into the room.
Randall: “Larry! What the hell happened to MY CAR?!”
He hollered, marching into the room, shaking with rage. Veronika smirked and Craig tried to hold back his laughter.
Lord Kradula: “Do NOT call me by that wretched name I renounced! It’s Lord Kradula Ov Khaos now, Father!”
He whined, swishing his cape in a pathetic attempt to appear enigmatic and threatening. Veronika cackled.
Veronika: “Oh, brother!”
She rolled her eyes at him. Craig burst out laughing.
Craig: “More like Lord Dorkula!”
Lord Kradula swung his glare over to them and pointed his clawed finger at their faces.
Lord Kradula: “VERONIKA and her BOGAN boyfriend did it, Father!”
Craig: “HEY! I’m not a bogan!”
He pouted.
Randall: “Don’t go accusing your sister!”
Lord Kradula glared at Veronika as she smirked at him.
Lord Kradula: “But she did it, father! She always destroys my things!”
Randall: “Your things? You seem to forget that car is MY property, Larry! That’s the final straw! You are not to drive my cars again! It is time for you to take some responsibility and buy your own car, Larry!”
He said firmly, shaking his head and rubbing his temples.
Lord Kradula: “WHAT?! IT’S NOT FAIR! I can’t afford a car! How am I supposed to get to the record store to buy my limited edition Norseferatu records without a car?!”
He whined.
Randall: “Get a job or take the bus, Larry.”
He said firmly. Craig threw his head back with laughter.
Lord Kradula: “...The BUS? Like some normie peasant?!”
He huffed, stamping his feet. Veronika smirked widely.
Lord Kradula: “I already have a job! I have my band and my radio show!”
He pouted. Veronika and Craig laughed at him.
Randall: “You haven’t produced a single record or sold a single show, Larry!”
He shook his head.
Lord Kradula: “I’m working on the record, father! Lord Kradula Ov Khaos is trve kvlt underground! We don’t play live shows!”
He pouted. Craig laughed at him and pulled out a bag of popcorn, eating it.
Randall: “Well, maybe you should work on that because I’m canceling your radio show!”
He said firmly. Veronika smirked widely.
Lord Kradula: “WHAT?!”
Randall: “You insulted your sister and her band on the air tonight and used foul language, again. This is radio, Larry. You can’t do that!”
He said firmly.
Craig: “Yeah, Larry, you can’t do that!”
He echoed. Lord Kradula glared at him hatefully.
Randall picked up the bag of letters and handed them to Lord Kradula.
Randall: “What’s all this, Larry?!”
Lord Kradula froze and glared at Veronika.
Lord Kradula: “You went into my forbidden den?!”
Veronika: “Father needed to know, Larry!”
Craig burst out laughing and picked up a letter to look at it.
Craig: “FUCK YEAH! This I gotta see! Read ‘em out!”
He cackled. Veronika swung her gaze to him.
Veronika: “Why can’t you read them?”
She challenged. Craig shifted his eyes.
Craig: “...It’s funnier when you do?”
He cleared his throat. Veronika scoffed and took the letters to read them.
Veronika: “Lord Kradula, your radio show cured my insomnia.”
Lord Kradula scowled. Craig burst out laughing.
Craig: “Yeah, ‘cause you’re so BORING!”
Veronika picked up another letter.
Veronika: “Dear Lord Kradula, you suck!”
She laughed.
Craig: “Cos he’s a vampire!”
He laughed. Veronika picked up another letter.
Veronika: “Lord Kradula, your show is like poetry. Poetry that isn’t good.”
Craig cracked up laughing. Lord Kradula frowned. Veronika picked up another letter.
Veronika: “Hey, bozos, the only reason anyone listens to your show is because it’s the only place to hear extreme metal on the radio. That’s what we want to hear. Give the people what they came for. No one wants to listen to you two clowns drone on about bullshit and yell toilet jokes. The only joke here is you two. Everyone hates you. It’s frustrating sifting through thirty minutes of shit just to hear five minutes of metal. Get off the air!”
Veronika grinned widely. Craig slapped his knees with laughter.
Veronika: “Ooh, that one’s my favorite.”
Lord Kradula glared at them, grabbing the bag of letters and dumping them into the firepit.
Lord Kradula: “RAAAGHHH! BURN! BURN! BURN!”
He rasped, lighting a match and lighting them on fire in the fireplace. Randall drew a breath.
Randall: “I’m afraid Headbanger’s Hellfire is now canceled…”
He sighed.
Randall: “You’re twenty-seven. It’s time for you to stop this foolish nonsense, Larry. It’s time for you to grow up. I can’t have you ending up like that dreaded Malone boy…”
He shuddered and shook his head, taking a long sip of wine.
Craig: “Maxxy Malone?!”
He laughed. Lord Kradula scowled.
Lord Kradula: “I am NOTHING like that clown! I am deep and brooding and trve kvlt!”
He huffed.
Randall: “Well, then you are to get a job and clean up your act or else you will end up just like him!”
He warned him, waving his finger in his face and, marching over to the door.
Randall: “It was nice to meet you, Craig.”
He said before he left.
Craig: "Fuck yeah! Nice to meet you too, mate!"
Veronika sauntered over to Lord Kradula and peered over his shoulder.
Veronika: “Checkmate bitch… do not EVER cross me.”
She hissed in his ear. Lord Kradula glared at her.
Veronika: “I will destroy anyone who crosses me or gets in my way!”
She added. Craig shifted his eyes and had an awful feeling in the pit of his stomach.
TO BE CONTINUED.
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